Facing the truth

“Our lives improve only when we take chances… and the first and most difficult risk we can take is to be honest with ourselves.”
~ ~ Walter Anderson ~ ~

You ready for this?  Hi, my name is Carrie and I’m overweight.  I wasn’t going to blog about this but I decided that if I expect my clients to be honest with themselves, then I’ve got to do the same.  I have to face myself head on, truthfully, wearing my shame, owning it, and then making plans to change it.  Isn’t that what I tell you guys to do?

someecards.com

I was killing a few minutes this morning waiting to get back to my daughter’s school for an award ceremony (she was awarded a certificate for “Fairness”.  Yay, Ally!).  I compulsively drove through McDonald’s for my coveted Diet Coke and an Egg McMuffin.

And then it hit me really hard…Holy cow, I am a fat person!

 

Now, I don’t want anyone commenting back saying “oh, you’re just fine” or “you look great” or “you only have a few pounds to lose.”  Seriously, don’t tell me that.  I’ve been masking the truth for a while now.  Let me state the obvious.  I train for triathlons.  You all know I’m slow, but I still train.  I still swim, bike, and run.  I do strength training.  My heart rate is up, I’m sweating, I’m drained when I’m done.  There is only 1 reason I should be heavier now than I’ve ever been before.  And NO, it is not because muscle weighs more than fat, but thank you for thinking that.  It’s because I eat CRAP and too much of it!!

calcoastfitness.com

Here’s the funny part, every aspect of my life is really very, very good.  The more I’ve gained “control” of other aspects of my life and am truly happy, the more I’ve let my eating habits and weight go.  I’ve been fooling myself as the pounds have slowly crept up.  I complain about it.  I joke about it.  Every night I promise myself that tomorrow will be the start of changing all this.  I am so uncomfortable with myself and yet nothing changes and I’m ashamed.  I’m ashamed of how I have treated my body, of what a poor role model I have been for my children, and how I’ve let myself go while working out and training.  Talk about self sabotage.  And so this morning I had to say it…I’m a fat person!  There, it’s out!

After finishing my Egg McMuffin (hehe), I immediately used my cell phone to find a Weight Watchers place.  As soon as my daughter got her award, I headed over there and signed myself up.  I stepped on that scale.  I knew it would be bad, and it was.  But I was there.  The truth is out now.  I’ve owned it now.  I don’t have to be ashamed any more because I’m doing something to change it.  I’m excited to embrace the road to renewed healthy eating, increased energy, efficient triathlon training, and fitting into my jeans again.

Now is the time to shift my focus from shame and negativity to all the wonderfulness that is going to come of losing these 25 – 30 pounds.  It’s all about moving forward, focusing on the goal…the goal of feeling good physically, of feeling good in my jeans, of looking good to myself in the mirror, of feeling pride for my hard work and success, ooooh and the joy of getting up and over those hills on my bike easier.  Soon enough I’ll be writing a blog about how fast I am…

www.tri-ingtobeathletic.com

 

And so I am writing this for everyone to see.  It’s my way of taking responsibility and shedding the shame.  It’s my way of being accountable.  And, hopefully you will find strength in this so you can stop hiding and stare into the eyes of your own truth, whatever that is.

One step at a time…

~Coach Carrie

PS.  Thank you to Julie from www.Tri-ingtobeathletic.com for the custom picture.

 

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22 Responses to Facing the truth

  1. Tracy says:

    Fabulous, honest, courageous post. Carrie, you rock. Truly!

  2. Carrie, congrats on owning it and taking action.

    I have started living a low-carb diet over the last few months. It isn’t always easy because I don’t like to cook, I crave sugar when I’m in pain (which is happening more often lately), and I’m lazy (find other things more important).

    But, it’s working for me and I think it’s also about feeling better, having less pain and inflamation – not just about “not being fat”.

    I hope you’ll keep using this for personal inspiration and to keep your clients motivated too.
    Jenn Alex Brockman recently posted..The power of nowMy Profile

  3. Louise Gray says:

    Thanks Carrie for your blog. And that could be me writing it too – except for the actual doing something about it! This is an inspiration and today is the first day of the rest of my life, so “just do it!” Thanks!!!
    Louise Gray recently posted..The Power of Now (what was I saying…)My Profile

  4. TriGirl says:

    Hopefully by putting this ‘out there’ you will keep yourself motivated to do what you need to do. It is always hard to change how you eat. Glad you used the picture :)
    TriGirl recently posted..When Good Yoga Goes BadMy Profile

    • Coach Carrie says:

      Thanks TriGirl :) . I love that picture, although I couldn’t figure out how to enlarge it. I still haven’t finished the quilt to put the label on. Thanks for getting that done for me ASAP..ha! I still LOVE it though…have it on my desk and it makes me smile. I love your yoga post…great pics!

  5. Leigh Sieger says:

    Hi Carrie, I love your way with words. I am fat also! On January 1st I joined Weight Watchers online, and have found it to be very encouraging. I have lost about 1 pound each week, and feel better already. Love your blog!

    • Coach Carrie says:

      Great job Leigh! WW is a great program, but I had to do the in-person program. I have to show up and weigh in and be accountable. I’ll get myself back to where I want to be, but it’s tough (and the whole menopause thing sure doesn’t help matters).

  6. aunt megan says:

    Great and brave entry Carrie. I’m pleased to see that this sport is doing exactly what I thought it would do for you when I forwarded that first race entry almost a year ago. Fitness is the icing on the cake in triathlon. The other rewards (ie. Confidence, challenge, comraderie,courage to name a few) are what the sport is really about. Now you got em all so use those same skills to take on those pesky pounds one day a time. Go Kiwi go Kiwi!

    • Coach Carrie says:

      About that entry form…ha! I’ll be forever grateful that you encouraged me into this crazy sport Of triathlon. The rewards are beyond measurable. And I will tackle this 1 pound at a time. I appreciate your listening ear, cheerleading, and constant support. I’m one lucky Auntie Kiwi!!

  7. Jayde says:

    I applaud your courage!

    Changing our eating habits may be the hardest part of losing weight. I know it was a HUGE shift for me not to have soda every time I went out to eat. Lately I just stick to water and every so often a little voice in the back of my head says “OMG! 2 years ago I’d never have THOUGHT of this!”

    Good luck, I’ll be cheering you on!

    • Coach Carrie says:

      Thank you Jayde!! It’s amazing how long it takes to develop good eating habits and how quickly it takes to undo them. Like everything, progress is one day at a time (or really one meal at a time). Day 2 is going well :) .

  8. Holly says:

    First off, I love that your daughter got a fairness award. :-)

    Congratulations on your next step! If you find that you’re still pulled in the direction of the drive through, I recommend food industry documentaries. They scared about 20 lbs off of me! Good luck!

    • Coach Carrie says:

      Thank you Holly. I’m proud of my daughter, even if she didn’t want me to be at the award ceremony…12-year-olds…sheesh! You know what’s weird about my brain? I’ve seen so many food industry documentaries and they disgust me but apparently not enough because I’ll still drive through. Maybe I should watch some of the “good” ones again after I’ve lost some weight and have been away from the fast food for a bit. For now though, I’m well motivated by focusing on the rewards, which are many :) .

  9. Well, they didn’t built Rome in one day. You managed to control your relationship with your partner, you managed to become a wonderful mom, you managed to get active in sports, you manage to surround yourself with wonderful friends, you manage to become a great coach, …. and now that you have some spare time … it is time for your next challenge. The awareness, the strength, the courage, the intent, and the skills are there. It is just a question of time. Isn’t it wonderful to be able to see how bright your future is shaping? You can be what ever you want to be.

  10. Nina says:

    I am SO pulling for you! Such a brave post and I commend you!

    Do you have an iPhone? My friend was just telling me about a great app that lets you scan a barcode so you have the points calculated for you.
    Nina recently posted..A Guest Post From My MomMy Profile

    • Coach Carrie says:

      Thank you Nina! I need an app that shocks me every time I reach for something “bad.” I’ve heard about the barcode scanning app and will check into it. Thanks for stopping by (and for sharing your mom for a bit today…LOVED her post).

  11. Hi Carrie! The way you have taken responsibility for your life is absolutely fantastic. Well done to you! I have recently shared the idea that we have the power to take control of our lives in my blog article “Do you want to take control of your life? You can!” http://wp.me/p1E5MV-5G. This is a great inspiration for the people who still procrastinate to make changes on their lives. Thanks for sharing.
    Sylvia (ICA).

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